Sunday, November 29, 2015

#becauseBIPOLARfeels

My sister Lisa is celebrating her birthday today, Nov 30. But she had a mini pre birthday bash last night with her friends. Last night was the first time I remember I had some fun after that bullshit that happened to me. Let's hide it under the code name/ hashtag #marriagefails HAHAHA


This shindig last night made me realize that you don't have it all. Ang hirap pala ng buhay ni Anne Curtis. Maganda pero ayaw sayo ng kanta. Lels. This is why im only pretty and not a singer. HAHAHA.


No. Seriously. I didnt know I was capable of having fun. I actually forgot how to have fun. Or did I ever learned how to? Coz I know I was never taught or 'allowed' to. #bitterfeels 

Pwede naman pala ano? Pwede naman pala. Pero bakit ganun? Bakit kapag yung (dati) kong asawa kasama ko hindi ko nagagawa to? Bakit kapag yung friends ko kasama ko hindi ko nagagawa to? Bakit? Bakit? Anong meron? Or better yet, anong wala?

Last night ang pinaka nakakahiyang gabi ng buhay ko. Of course hindi pa din ako gumapang pauwi ng bahay namin dahil sa kalasingan dahil 1. Hindi naman ako nalasing at 2. Nasa bahay lang namin kami HAHAHA 

I was singing ala Pia Guanio sa videoke in front of people who I don't even know, people I've only met for the first time. And now I'm pretty sure they think crazy runs in the family. Ooops parents- i ruined the reputation I built for so long, SORRY *sarcasm

Mind you, there was zero alcohol. Nada. But i looked like (sounded rather) I was the drunkiest among the bunch. My whole family was like- ANYAREH KAY JHUBY? Hahaha. Sarreh family. This is how I am. This is the me that i didnt even know existed. 

Okay, i know for most of you normal na lang ito. First time ko kasi. Hehe. I was so uptight. So prim and proper. But there i was singing performance-level-pikit-pikit-pa in front of younger guys and girls. As in inuman levels ganern. Itsura nang ako ang may birthday. HAHAHA. 

Twas one of the not so many rare moments that I was able to let myself free. Naks. What got into me? Can somebody tell me what got into me? aANYAREH? Pakisagot kasama ng tanong na "Where do broken hearts go?"

Ganun pala pakiramdam ng baliw baliwan. Wapakels. Ganun pala pakiramdam ng GRO na nakatable sa inuman. HAHAHA. Ganun pala pakiramdam ng hindi nahihiya. May kaunti but kahit papano, hindi nahihiya. 

Masaya pala. Masaya pala siya. Kaya pala kapag nasa inuman siya hindi siya nakakareply. Kaya pala hindi niya ako naalala kapag nasa inuman siya. Ganun pala talaga. Ngayon alam ko na. #Hugot

Baka kapag may amats ako ng alak mas malala ano? H20 lang tinira ko kagabi eh. Hahaha! Pano pa kaya kung totoong lasing ako? It feels so so good to be crazy sometimes! Sabi nga ng isa sa mga favorite kong kanta sa videoke 

"Release your inhibitions - Feel the rain on your skin. No one else can feel it for you. Only you can let it in. Live your life with words unspoken. The rest is still unwritten."



Sunday, November 22, 2015

#Happy6thMyLoves

Arkin and Xarraine just turned six, November 22. We celebrated in advance for their classmates on Friday, November 20. They loved the #InsideOut themed cupcakes and cakes!






Ate Meng of Vista Barista made them, sponsored by Tita Jacky and MommyLa. Ang cute diba? 

Sunday, November 22 we heard mass and then breakfast at Mcdonald's, out favorite. Then it was food fest the whole day. Their cousins came over and we had lunch at Tanayans. Then after resting, we went to the windmills farm in Bugarin, Pillilia, Rizal for some picture taking and had dinner at The Daily Beans. Raine and I love their Carbonara there. She eats a lot whenever we're there- she likes the basil I think. While Kuya loves their gatlic bread and frappe. And Raine ate a lot of the Toblerone cheese cake! Here are photos from their celebration with ze cousins! 










Before bedtime I asked them if they had fun with their birthday - HAPPY daw sila. Mossion accomplished si mommy! Achieved ang cake! Yey! 


Happy birthday mga anak! Mahal na mahal ko kayo ❤️ muwah muwah tsup tsup!

Friday, November 6, 2015

#BITCHisback

I don't know why I'm writing this, here, again. But I do know why I stopped sharing here years back (gahhh it sound so old). Yeah, my life got pretty fucked up . But don't worry, I'm not gonna give you the full details, it's just gonna make you vomit. And one post is not enough. Yeah. Hella not enough. Maybe in installment (credit card ang pucha?) or parts that is if I am willing to share it to you or if I have time (as if ang dami ko ginagawa) or yeah, If I'm in the mood. 

Thing is, it's just too long a story to write (or type) at kailangan ko ng special effects para dramatic at magmukhang pang MMK so I would need my full attention. 

But you know, I'm rarely alone. In my solitude (naks!) which means 2-3 in the morning while my kids are still asleep, and I wake up squished in between them or sometimes under them- thats all the time I have for myself. 

Isn't it funny that my last post was about love and that one person that makes me kilig like the fucking teenager that I was 10 years ago? Isn't it funny that all my other posts were about that guy that apparently, I married and bore two kids (twins) with and how I was all about him? Like that Crazy For You Head Over Heels in love kind of thing. Didnt I see this coming? Of course not. I saw the signs- I opened up my eyes I saw the signs (kinanta mo noh?). 

Well, that shit is over. HOLD UP. This is not going to be a bitter post like what it looks like. 

There were red flags. Definitely. Why didnt I say so? Because I didnt want to be judged. Because I was afraid? Because I was ashamed, shy. But mostly because I was too proud. Because I feel like I have to give other people that impression that we are okay, we are good, we are happy. Pinasok ko tong buhay ng pag aasawa at pag aanak ng maaga - PANINDIGAN KO TO. 

I was scared. I was scared to be alone because for the first time in my life- I will have to live without him. That scared me. A lot. My world wasnt built around him- he was my world. Well, until my kids came. But still, madami akong bagay na hindi kayang gawin na wala siya. Natakot akong mag isa kasi hindi pa ako nag isa sa buhay ko. This was my first heartbreak. And it's true. Heartbreaks are tough. Alam ko na ang pakiramdam ni Popoy nung iniwan siya ni Basha. 

So its funny. I find it funny. How in a span of three years life would turn around unexpectedly. I was so in love then, and now I was betrayed, cheated on, lied to - OOOPS bitterness loading- must stop now. 

Nakakatawa naman talaga. Its like life played a joke on me. Dati I was all about him. Now, its gone. Anger, hatred, bitterness. Thats all I have for him now. Masisisi mo ba ko? But I chose to be civil. I maintained this unconvential relationship with him because he is, after all, the father of my children.

Dont judge me. Judge me, rather. Judge me all you want. (Sometimes i forget na wala na akong pakialam sa iisipin ng ibang tao kasi) but if you have kids- if you have beautiful, wonderful kids like mine that you love so much, you will understand. And they will alwaya come first. Kahit nasasaktan na ako. Kahit ayaw ko na. Kahit hindi na ako masaya. Kahit na malungkot na malungkot na ang buhay ko. Kahit na miserable na ako. May dahilan. May dahilan lahat ng to. At yun ay ang mga anak ko. 

See? That wasnt so hard right? Maybe thats the reason why I activated this again. I dont have to filter my words. Pucha naman, blog ko to noh! Hindi nyo na siguro ako pagbabawalan magsalita ng gusto ko kase nakakahiya? HAHAHA. Besides, I'm just being honest here. 

Btw, yes I do curse now. I curse a lot specially when I'm mad. I hope you had fun reading!