Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Stay or just Go Away?



Where do you go to when you wanna run away?
How do you keep your heart guarded during these times of pain?

Why do you even have to go if you cant really stay away?
How would you - could you - bear to keep your happiness at stake?

Why let all these thoughts run in your mind, ruin you both and keep him away?
When all you really wanted, needed and prayed for is for him to stay.



This was the first time i tried poetry again. after a looongg looongg time.
I was just afraid of something. But now, im trying to push that something away.

Good Vibes everyone :D

Monday, November 3, 2008

What Else Can I Say?

HAPPY :)

I am super, duper, over, uber
ecstatic.

And now i know that
Peace + Contentment = HAPP(i)NESS

And i cannot deny the fact that much of this bliss comes from my HAPPi Heart :)
It is so true I Can Actually Sing A Song.

Timothy and I have been together for 2033 days as of today.
Which means that we have been together for
5 years, 6 months, 3 weeks and 2 days :)
And yes I know the days, months or years don't matter but i think we were really meant to spent those years to be able to become the couple that we are today. We have spent 5 new year's, christmases, and birthdays together. But what really weighed was spending every single day together or at least 265 (or so days) out of the 365 days there is in a year.

I know it wasnt at all perfect but if ever there is PERFECT, I wouldnt choose PERFECT. Because i Love the way we Love each other. Much like sister and brother, we are best of friends. And yes, friends with a real lot of benefits!

I know sooner or later we'd have another fight and youll read me here writing things and stuffs as if its the end of the world AGAiN but i just wanna cherish this moment and capture this on words. I am proud i am happy :) And this is worth sharing because i have learned, finally, that Life is Better Lived if you leave the PAST behind, Forgive Heartfully and Try not to go over the things or memories that destroyed you. Instead, Live in the now and be thankful that you have the NOW. And it is better this way, I promise :) My life, Our life is at peace!

I am like his Yin, and He is my Yang :)
  • We have perfected/rather mastered the art of fighting/quarrelling that nowadays we can actually see why me YELLING and he LYING was never a good idea in the first place.
  • We have learned that WRESTLiNG (yeah seriously) is actually FUN and that we should do it more often because it also helps us sweat out excess pounds and more time for BONDiNG and LAUGHiNG!
  • Iced coffee works for both of us - it allows HIM to stay late up at night to review and acts as depressant (weirdo) to my system so I wont be able to make iSTORBO while he is studying.
  • Eating out - karinderya or fastfood or ihaw-ihaw sa tabi-tabi is the perfect pig-out session for us because we can almost feel that we're just at home eating our mom's dishes. We'd rather eat out than cook something at home. Me cooking for us? Not gonna happen.
  • Goofing around is the best medicine. We are the best impersonators of each other and our favorite part is impersonating the other when he/she is ANGRY. LAFFTRiP!
  • Jogging in the morning is GOOD. Playing badminton is better. Talking over playing badminton about life, career and dreams is the best.
  • Waking me UP by KiSSiNg iS Sweet But Not A Good iDea if You dont want to be Slapped on the face :) Waking him Up with kisses is perfect for Him but not for me because it is unhygienic :( So Dream On!

Steady lang, and actually we have never been this steady.
And i guess all i really wanted to say is that I am happy :)
And I am happy that I know the reason why I am happy and who that reason is.



Thank You, MY HAPP(i)NESS :)

Thursday, September 11, 2008

HAPPY

because i am alive, still :)
cant wait for everything to fall into perspective,
proper perspective.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

♥ There Is No Charge For Awesomeness :)


i was able to watch Umagang Kayganda today ( or is it Magandang Umaga Pilipinas? im not sure), that morning show with Kuya Kim. haahaa. Im sorry he's my favorite among the hosts so he was the one that registered to me. and i saw this segment with again, i forgot who the guest was but he was a middle-aged Chinese, and he delivers well ha! Thats why i listened. and it turned out to be really interesting.

ok, so there are 3 types of quotient - yes the one we usually identify as the measure of one's cerebral capacity. First is the
Intelligence Quotient, perhaps all those years we spent in school is enough proof that a light bulb will light up somehow when we are faced with a math trick question (not me!). Cognitive baby, in this category belongs the booksmarts. 2nd is the Emotional Quotient, which according to the speaker-whose-name-i-forgot is actually notches higher than the IQ. This is way, way useful and dependable than your thinking caps! He actually said that if you want to fair better in business a relatively general averaged IQ will be alright because all you really need is the 3 Rs - reading, [a]rithmetic and [w]riting. that and all the EQ's you can get. People with good (because i cannot say high) EQ are those we call streetsmart people. and then, there is this 3rd one which he calls the Adversities Quotient which was described by the speaker as - "kakayahan na harapin ang mga pagsubok o problema sa buhay" verbatim. in a broader sense, it is the science of human resilience.

"People who successfully apply AQ perform optimally in the face of adversity — the challenges, big and small, that confront us each day. In fact, they not only learn from these challenges, but they also respond to them better and faster."

for us to understand better, let us give life to the above mentioned quotient. a person falls in love. he/she was rejected, so he/she cries in pain, of course he/she was hurt. but then, he/she will try to benefit from this pain or defeat, he/she will use and adopt this as his/her life experience, will move forward and will not be afraid to love again. but when time calls for his/her heart to fall in love again, he/she will go back to his/her life experience, will study the lessons learned and will work his/her way for those mistakes to never happen again, this time around.

You step up.

Because you know that there are things that are not within your control. there are things that happen for a reason, although there are no accidents in life. Because you know you are not perfect so you are capable of failing, but still you know and you remind yourself that you are good and you deserve only the best. And because you know that treating yourself like trash after a defeat will lead you nowhere and that the only way up is nowhere but up.

if you are a person who is not afraid of failing (who isnt?) or who
takes failure as a leverage to step up; if you are somebody who really learns from life's lessons; if youre the kind of person who after a fall, is not afraid to stand up again and continue the fight, this time, with a new and different plan - then pwede ka nang businessman. yah, business people are those gifted with AQ, and only very few have high AQs!

which leads me to relate this to the movie KungFu Panda which i have watched last night only thanks to a pirated DVD (shoot to kill na ako by Edu Manzano):




there is no charge for awesomeness!


Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery.
Today is a gift. That's why its called present.


enhance your AQ people!
Good Vibes :)

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

For My Delight


Yesha is so big now and she knows how to smile na :) Aint it a delight lookin at a kiddo?






Licensed Baby :)

not everyone knows what ive been through for the past months. only my family, closest friends and PAULINIAN friends. i was ready to give up everything for my lola's life. yes, for me it was a matter of life and death. because it really is. and i completely let go of the future, and i stayed beside my lola when i am supposed to be reviewing for my board exams.

it was really depressing. i already lost hope. i didnt even want to think of passing. i was in a complete struggle. i didnt even think i am ready to take the NLE because in all aspects of my life - emotionally, spiritually, physically, intellectually - i am NOT me. i am not healthy. there were moments that i want to go to the dorm to join my classmates but it breaks my heart everytime i think about my Lola in her recovery. she needs me most. and she was there for me as in everytime, all 20 years of my life. this is the time when a granddaughter is supposed to take care of her lola, and i am sticking to her side, whatever the consequences are.

but GOD is sooo sooo good. He's the greatest! He has planned something for me. And in the blueprint of my life, He really was an architect! an awesome one!
this is super unexpected. suppper.

i didnt read any book. i still dont know the normal values for different lab results. it was just like any given day in college, like i was just taking a quiz or something. but God made a way! He worked! I believe during the test He was really there for me! everything is so surreal.


w
ith what happened in my life, I attest that there really is God.
i am not a VERY prayerful person.
i dont hear mass every Sunday. im always late for it most of the time.
i didnt go to st.jude nor to baclaran church because i have no fare money.
i am- as in i really am not in the right state of mind and body when i took the test. i wasnt ready.
but i have to say this. to give light to other who will be taking the test. (this is for you too, BEIH!)
i hope my experience will shed light on your darkest hours (REVIEW). because all it took for me was 4 years of excellent nursing education, a little pessimism, huge faith and prayers! AKO NAKAYA KO! KAYO PA KAYA!

but now i am really amazed with the wonders of the human brain! whoa!!!!! as major, big, super WHOA!!!!!

i have to say this (sory gwen ha magpipiling lang hahaha) pero it felt like i topped the NLE! i didnt even asked God to make me pass. i just said, let His will be done. and it is God's will really! this is too much! as i said, my lola's recovery was all im praying for. passing the boards was like cherry on top!!!!

eto hayaan niyo na ako magfeeling gumagawa ng thank you's sa aking album. b
ertdey ko naman eh! :p

and i would like to especially mention all my PAULINIAN friends. thank you for praying for me and my lola. YOU NAILED IT LADIES! super laki ng utang na loob ko sa inyong lahat!!!!! super!!!! lumevel up ang pagmamahal ko sa inyo ng bonggang bongga!!!! alam ko, dahil ito sa prayers niyo!!!!

JEREMIAH MENDOZA you said i am destined for greatness! i guess i am! it really made me feel i am superhuman! it boosted my confidence!

MARA MIRANDA you always enlighten me with your verses! they really were my stronghold!

ABI BERMUNDO you never let me feel down and you kept my head up a
ll the time. in God's time abi, in His time.

MACY CHAN girl you are great! You are my soulmate! i remember us in class saying "STACK KNOWLDGE LANG YAN! AT COMMON SENSE!" hahaha.

201 ROOMIES kayo ang naging saksi sa lahat!! LINTEK nagbunga ang mahabang pagtulog!!!! pero wag niyo ko gagayahin! magaral mabuti! bad influence si ate mela!

MRS RHODA REYES that phone call the night before the boards sealed it! super naiyak ako sa mga sinabi niyo at naramdaman ko na hindi ako nagiisa. na hindi ako kawawa!

TIMOTHY PIGUING isang pambihirang karanasan ito. ikaw ang naging sandalan ko sa mga oras na mahinang mahina ako. putang ina ikaw ang naghihila saken pataas! salamat talaga. hindi ako nagkamali ng lalaking minahal ko! sobrang proud ako sayo! at sa mga sinabi mo saken ngayong umaga, super natouch ako. "PARA SAKIN, IKAW ANG NO. 1!" putang ina beh k
inikilig ako!

PAMILYA KO para sa inyo itong lahat!!!!!! walang RN ngayon kung hindi dahil sa inyo. binabalik ko lang ang karapatdapat para sa mga taong kagaya niyo!

DYOS KO napakalaking regalo po nito! for the first time, hindi po ako ang pu
mili ng regalo ko. talaga pong nasurprise ako ng bonggang bongga!!!! ikaw ang winner PAPA GOD!


on my last day as a 20 year old, i was a noody.
now, at 21, as in right now, JULY 25, 2008
by the stroke of midnight



i am officially
MA. CAMELA CATAMBAY CHUAYAP, RN


to God be the glory!!!!

♥xoxo♥

♥ Akala Ko Eh :)

akala ko pagkatapos kong makapanumpa bilang isang ganap na NURSE eh ok na ang lahat. ang dami pa pala dapat isipin, gawin, at planuhin sa buhay. ang pinakamasaklap sa lahat -

HiNDi KO ALAM KUNG SAAN AKO MAGSiSiMULA

  • NCLEX - application papers, review centers, the SAUNDERS book
  • CGFNS - see above
  • IELTS - see above
  • SEMINARS - IV THERAPY TRAiNiNG, BLS, ACLS + MONEY FOR THOSE

akala ko talaga eh magsisimula ang magandang buhay ko after ng August 20. ngayon eh kahit ayaw kong isipin na kaylangan ko nang kumanta ng MAGSIMULA KA dahil nauubos ang sa pagtunganga sa harapan ng laptop at pag internet maghapon magdamag, my body cant move. isa pa, meron akong ginawa sa sarili ko kaya ayaw ko muna magpakita sa mga tao. hahaha. secret ko na yun basta after 3 weeks ang resulta kaya we will see (rissus[tama ba spelling ko pakikorek nga nurses] sardonicus ako ngaun hahaha)

anyways, baket ako nagtatagalog? say this line like Katherine sa Iisa Pa Lamang:

KASE, MABAET KA.

may kinuwento saken si mama and i cannot drop names pero narealize ko ngayon na dahil sa ginawa ko sa LOLA ko (not that i caused it to her!), na nagalaga and everything, naging favorite na ako ng mga lola, mga titas, mga titos at mga nanay :) hahaha. samantalang dati ako ay parang kaaway lamang nila, hane nga? feeling ko galit sila saken dati.

updates on my LOLA ENTAY (yah thats what we call her pero ako talaga tawag ko Inang):

  • she's walking already - and she walks alone, with no assistance but of course under the watchful eyes of the people around her kase nga risk for fall or injury diba?
  • she is hearing mass inside the church - unlike before she only hears mass (as in literally) in the house porch since the church is just in front of the house (hahaha)
  • she receives communion on her own - before the priest comes to her for communion after the mass
  • she urinates and defecates all by herself in the commode - no need for digital extraction (with gloves of course!) because she isnt constipated anymore, salamat sa dulcolax
  • she bathes by herself
  • she remembers things now - she tells me "ikaw tsaka mama mo ang nag-alaga sa akin"
  • naggagala na ang lola ko sa kapitbahay - like 5 houses away - at nakikichismis hahaha
  • she is now playing TONGiTS and BiNGO - again
  • she held a thanksgiving mass for my success in the board exams
  • nakikipagaway na siya sa mga tito ko (hahaha)


she forgot my birthday. pero i said:

"ok lang yun INANG, na stroke ka naman"

and we laughed our hearts out, like how we used to.

yes, akala ko we will lose her na.:)

i thought i will lose her agad.

but God is super good hane?

i know someday, OO, pero for extending my LOLA's stay,

PRAISE the LORD

(with arms na naka raise the roof)

pinkshadoe[dot]multiply



----------------
Now playing: Boys Like Girls - Thunder (Acoustic)
via FoxyTunes

Friday, July 18, 2008

the line that says some people

"Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom. Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon. They stay in our lives for awhile, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never ever the same." ~ Flavia Weedn
sometimes what you think is true is not always true. sometimes what you think is right isnt always right. and most of the time, when you think it is, it isnt. and sometimes, most of the time, when you try to reach out, reach back again, those footprints are already washed away. the water washes away what ever footprint is in the sand because thats what they are for. in the world, nothing is permanent, but the human heart, as human as it is, could erase what memories are hidden in its past. not that it is what the heart is made for but because thats what the heart seeks for.

why you shouldnt be super mabait


i was talking to a friend earlier. i cant say old friend because friendship for us is actually new. so i say friend. a very good friend.
apparently, when we were not yet friends, i told him:
SOBRA KANG MABAIT.

and you know what? he has this former ex-gf who happens to be a friend of mine, too. and youll ask me, why did they broke up? yes, because it was a long distance relationship and there were many reasons that called for a halt in the relationship and one of them was, my good friend said:
SOBRA SIYANG MABAIT.

and he said: its like dejavu. haha. i think, maybe.
and then i just thought, what was wrong with being sobrang mabaet? they never had a single fight, no arguments at all. even when the guy admitted he made mistakes, the girl was like, very forgiving. thats very mabait right. so, when did being SUPER MABAIT became a problem why would-be relationships never happened and why actual relationships didnt worked out? and so the ever poetic me rationalized:

dont you think there was something wrong with that? it means hindi kayo nagoopen ng totoo niyong feelings sa isat isa. - regarding the no-argument, no fighting thing

and with that, she doesnt want to hurt you by saying what she really feels. she's hurting, but she wants to keep it to herself.

maybe youre afraid to hurt the other person kaya you choose not to say what you really wanted to say. you become very careful with your words and how you deliver them. you become very conscious with what you do and how you do them. and by being such, you erase the YOU in the relationship. you become another person. not a person who loves somebody, but a person who is mabait which means to say someone who doesnt want to hurt another.

pero sometimes, we need to feel a little pain because it will remind us that were human. capable of loving, capable of being hurt.capable and strong enough to feel pain, and to bear with it.
when i told my friend that he was super mabait, we werent in a relationship, so i guess it didnt matter, really. but with his ex, i think it did a lot. the relationship got boring, there was no intensity. how will there be intensity eh there were no verbalizations diba? some would take advantage of persons being sobrang bait. but im glad he didnt.

now, if you were like me, who wished all her life to be mabait, sometimes being salbahe has its own perks, right? people want mabait persons, pero they will get boring eventually. salbahe persons on the other hand brings excitement to other person's lives but nobody really likes a salbahe person diba? and i dont want my life to be boring and repetitive. but cheerios to all mabait people in the earth! i admire you all for being naturally endowed with those powers. pero i admit, and if i wont admit this, i am not being honest.

it all boils down to this one:
we are never contented with what we have.

think about it. i already did.
click here to see the original post

Shocker


this is how it is pala when you are in total shock.
and i cant believe i am applying the 4 stages of grieving with what has happened.
Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance.
i am in DENIAL state for two nights. Now i am not even in the anger category.
i am RAGED.

i dont wanna talk about it. i cant. i cant find the words. talaga. so im sorry for the first time in my entire blogging career here in multiply i will stop talking muna about how i really feel. NOW. and i cant describe what i feel so i just grabbed these lines which i think would best depict how HURT i am inside.i reflected on these. feel free to do the same guys. it helps.

♥everything in life changes you in some ways. even the smallest things. if you do not accept these changes, you do not accept yourself. for through these changes brings new and greater things to you, making you wiser as time progresses. to avoid these changes is a loss. you only live your life once, do not waste a minute of it avoiding things. let them come to you. learn from them.
THERE IS ALWAYS TOMORROW.♥
♥unless youve lived my life, do not judge me. becasue you dont know, never have, and never will know every little thing and detail about me.♥
♥ive built a wall not to block everyone out but to see who loves me enough to climb over it.♥
♥life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. so love the people who treat you right, and dont forget about the ones who dont and believe that everything happens for a reason. if you get a chance, take it. if it changes your life, let it. nobody said that it would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it. ♥
♥there comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who wont anymore, and who always will. so dont worry about the people from your past, theres a reason why they didnt make it to your future ♥
♥ i cannot cry. i tried but even my tears stopped falling for you. even my own body refused to let myself feel HURT, show emotions for a LOSER like you.♥

ill say this now and maybe ill say this again soon but i bet this would be the best time for this:
♥GET A LIFE♥

stop living in MINE. THEIRS. get yourself a LIFE.
and please, stop doodling with my life because you just ran out of somene to doodle with.
i aint a barbie doll in your doll house.
and SWEETIE if your gonna be two faced, at least make one of them pretty :)


click here to see the original one

Monday, January 28, 2008

imma BLOGSPOT

finally. after how many years?? honestly. i have long been wanting to start blogging here at blogspot. but since i first learned the how to's in multiply, i had my account there and so far, it is blooming naman. i loved blogging. and i am really hoping to keep this account alive!!!

xoxo
you know you love me